Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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