why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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