Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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