READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
