Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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