who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
