he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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