Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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