the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
