I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
