I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They took my balls.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
