Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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