Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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