roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two words: nipple clamps
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