It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
