Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
