Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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