After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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