just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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