Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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