absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
