I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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