Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
