Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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