just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
