well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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