Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
