It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
