There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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