guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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