mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
