Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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