She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
