it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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