ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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