I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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