He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sarcasm needs its own font
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
