Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
