i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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