it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
