umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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