Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
