wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
