What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
