a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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