You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
