Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
