So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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