Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
