The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
