I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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