i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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