Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
