A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
