some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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