i don't like sucking hair
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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