he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
