im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
only if we run a train.
done.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
