in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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