2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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