I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
