I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
People in love make me want to vomit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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