Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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