Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
