I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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