Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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