So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
