Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
