So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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