Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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