I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
