Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
