I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
