Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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