I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
