Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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