my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
